In December 2012, I was a speaker at TEDxSandyHill. Unfortunately, much time has passed and none of the videos have been released, nor any of the photos from the afternoon portion. And of course, I was in the afternoon. Oy!

Below is the text from my talk.

My name is Julie Lalonde and I am a proud feminist. And like all good feminists, I’m a serious buzzkill. We are a depressing bunch and I’m no exception. I can clear a room like nobody’s business. Trust me, I’m a real treat at parties.

'Hey Sally, how was your day?’

‘Oh, not too bad. Did some data processing and bought my dog a cute sweater for Christmas.’ ‘How about you, Julie? How was your day?’

‘8 womyn were sexually assaulted in Ottawa today. My organization lost its funding. I have no hope for the future.’

For real, people.

But I’m getting really sick of being a killjoy. I really am. Because I think feminism is amazing, dynamic and effective yes, funny. But we’re also incredibly hard on the world around us and even harder on each other.  Look, I understand descontruction and critique but this pessimistic stuff? I don’t get it.

As activists, we are not car mechanics or meteorologists whose work is limited by the tools and physical structures available to us. We are the tools and structures. The only limits are our imagination.

So, it is frustrating to see how people buy into the idea that we are tangible, objective entities rather than the subjects of our own doing. The rules that govern what we do or how we think are subjective and arbitrary.

There is absolutely no reason why we must treat each other the way we do.

Everyone I've ever known to have left the activist community, the feminist movement, social work, etc. did so because of the environment and their colleagues and not because of the actual work. Let me repeat this.

People whose jobs it is to listen to horrific stories, to support people who feel hopeless and to advocate for a better world end up leaving the work not because of their clients or because of their 'enemy' but because of their so-called allies.

What’s worse? We treat this an inevitability.

By setting ourselves up in this way, we are doomed to fail again and again. And every time we do, the enemy wins. And I'm not okay with that.

So, this is what I propose. I propose that we acknowledge some things about feminism and our work. Let’s be real about what we’ve done wrong, the reality of the way we do things and then dust ourselves off and move forward together. These are my truths. This is the feminism I’m proposing.

1. There is no feminist Olympics

You won’t get an award for being the ‘most legit’, or for having the most ‘feminist asymmetrical haircut’ or whatever bizarre random measurement people come up with. You don’t get a gold medal if you’ve been arrested five times at protests and an ‘F’ for wearing sparkly heels to a TEDx Talk, FOR EXAMPLE. A women’s studies professor is not inherently more feminist than a school bus driver. For people who claim to hate the police state, my goodness we police each other a lot! Enough with that. It’s not helping us.

There are no Olympics. Our reward is in the results. Our generation will not have a Gloria Steinem and that’s okay. Hell, that’s a good thing. Our strength lies in our decentralized leadership style. But decentralized leadership does not compute with ego. We can’t have it both ways here, folks.

2. We accept that the enemy is not in the room

I am not the least bit delusional about the fact that many activists are damaging to us. Many people who claim to be activists, myself included, have done things (or do things) that are racist, homophobic, ableist, etc. We all need to challenge each other in ways that are productive and about improving the situations and not simply about lashing out.

I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that anyone who dedicates their life to ending violence, fighting for equitable education, fighting for access to clean water, and all the other rad stuff we do, is an ally and someone who should be worked with, not against.

3. We recognize that haters gonna hate

You can bust your hump to put on an amazing event, organize a fantastic call-to-action and get some serious work done and still, some body, somewhere is going to say you were not legit enough. For example, you want to know how I know I’ve put on an event that was perfectly bilingual? When Anglophones complain that there was too much French.

Enough said.

Thanks to my friend Katharine for taking this photo. It proves that I did indeed give a talk!

4. We embrace being David

We will never compete with the religious right, the anti-choice movement, capitalism, corporate entities, etc. We’ll never have the dollars, the resources or the mainstream appeal. It sucks but that isn’t changing soon. But instead of moping about it, let’s use it to our advantage. Our do-it-yourself methods are effective because they make us more approachable and more accessible.

Here in Canada, pro-choicers were up against an overinflated, highly resourced anti-choice movement in regards to a recent Parliamentary attack on reproductive rights. Did we sit around and whine about it? Nope. The odds were stacked against us, but we threw caution to the wind, shook things up and said ‘Our old tactics just aren’t working. People are too apathetic. It’s time to engage all Canadians. C’mon folks. We know you’re out there. Join us.’

The end result?

THIS

defeated THIS

Let me repeat that.

THIS:

DEFEATED THIS.

Why? Because this is terrifying

and this

is hilarious.

And people love hilarious.

5. We recognize that ‘good enough’ is good enough

When we strive for absolute perfection and refuse to settle for anything less, the end result is a bunch of feminists sitting on their asses instead of doing the work.

I’m all for perfectionism but the idea that we can settle for nothing less is ridiculous. Because you know who keeps on keepin’ on? The patriarchy. The patriarchy doesn’t give a rat’s ass about your internal conflicts. In fact, it strives on them. Our distraction is their fuel. So let’s stop policing the crap outta each other and focus instead on putting ourselves out there.

You might think that putting out an incomplete or messy message is detrimental to the movement, but I say ‘Heck no!’ If we actually believe in collaborative approaches, then we’d be cool with knowing that ‘Hey, this isn’t perfect, but I got the ball rolling so here’s the torch, run with it’ and we’d keep refining it over time, building on it and our end result ends up not only looking bright, but also reflecting our entire community.

6. We stop pretending we are ballerinas

Growing up, all I wanted to be was a ballerina. Turns out, you need to flexible and petite enough that some dude can chuck you across a room effortlessly, so it didn’t work out for me. But what always blew my mind about ballerinas was that they had more leg strength than NFL football players, but when they danced, they looked weightless. They made it look so easy. THEY ARE DANCING ON THEIR TOES. Think about that. It’s unbelievable!

We are not ballerinas.

So what? We work incredibly hard at what we do. It’s our blood, sweat and tears. So why do we pretend like it ain’t no thing? Not only do we self-deprecate on our work when we do this, we also alienate people outside the feminist bubble. By making it seem like this work is effortless, we give people the impression that you gotta be some sort of super(s)hero to do this work.  So, you’re working your tail off and it’s hard and you’re making mistakes and getting some things right? Do the world a favour and own it. Nobody’s got it figured out, but we’re all doing the best we can. And our work is exactly that, WORK.

7. What would MC Hammer do?

When you have those moments when you’re feeling discouraged and you’re doubting your abilities, do what all of children of the 80s do: Ask yourself, what would MC Hammer do?

You know what he’d do? He’d tell you that ‘Girl, you are too legit to quit. Don’t give up.'  Actually, he’d probably gamble and drink away all his money and not even really understand the question, but you get my drift.

You are too legit to quit. Instead, abandon all illusions of street cred and legitimacy. Let’s get out of our heads and into the streets. The world is depending on us.

Who’s with me?